If narwhals are real…

What’s so silly about sasquatch? Or Nessy? Or especially krakens?

I’ve always had an active imagination–maybe even a bit overactive. Aside from never having outgrown the quite mundane childhood problem of blurred lines between real life, and, say, terrifying disembodied hands in Neil Gaiman’s Coraline (which I read in fourth grade and still get shivers from at age 20), I also regularly manage to create overly detailed stories about innocuous objects. The problem is I am either very easily frightened or very talented at frightening, because my little fictions usually result in my having to avoid said object, or at least treat it with excessive caution. This occurred most recently with a wine stopper molded to resemble a rather solemn Victorian woman, sold at Anthropologie a few months ago. Not only do I have a somewhat elaborate tale of her poisoning the wine, I also have a cast of characters consisting of other unusually sinister looking Anthropologie products, primarily candle holders in the shape of animal heads. Given my ability to compose a detailed story line based on the scheming of a completely inanimate and (probably) innocuous wine stopper, you would think I would avidly assert the existence of mythical creatures like aliens and yetis. While I can’t say I really believe in these creatures, I can guarantee that I would be absolutely thrilled should scientists provide solid evidence for Bigfoot’s existence, and I definitely feel I should pay these fun (and thankfully not too scary) mythical monsters a little appreciation.

1. Narwhal Figurine Totem by Handy Maiden
2. Kraken Species Print by Amy Sullian

I’ll start slow, with the non-mythical, completely and unbelievably real narwhal. I admit that for a long time I assumed narwhals were made up, and for a long time after that suspected that the people who think they’re real are either uninformed or liars. I checked Wikipedia, but you can’t believe everything you read on there. Sure people say they’re real, but who can blame me for doubting an astonishing sea-dwelling unicorn-whale hybrid? Another realistic myth (yeah that’s right narwhals: I’m still not sure I believe in you) is the kraken. The scale depicted in Amy Sullivan’s illustration above is a bit incredible, but octopodes (yep, the plural of octopus is octopodes) can grow to be quite large, and I seem to hear a lot about how primitive creatures were bigger. Krakens seem more believable than narwhals if you ask me.

1. Sasquatch Loves Modern Chairs Print by Amy Sullivan
2. Merpeople Species Print by Amy Sullivan
3. Chupacabra Naturalist Print by Amy Sullivan

Amy Sullivan is a fantastic source for all your mythical-creature-art needs. The Loch Ness Monster and Bigfoot are fairly easy to find all over the internet, but you may find yourself in a pickle if you favor the vampiric, goat blood-sucking Chupacabra of Latin heritage. Unfortunately I’m a fan of goats and can never quite get behind the Chupacabra’s aggressive bent, but I am particularly fond of Amy’s mustachioed mer-family and her mid-century enthusiast Sasquatches.

Viking Valentine Card Set by Small Adventure

Maybe dragons were real. Maybe the vikings were just really good at fighting them, and really thorough about covering their tracks. Have scientists considered this?

1. UFO, Paris Print by Jose Portillo
2. Don’t Stop Believin’ Bigfoot by Noodle Hug
3. Nessy Card by Egg Press

I’ll be honest: extraterrestrials seem completely possible and very likely exist, so the main reason I don’t believe in aliens is because they worry me. I agree with Stephen Hawking on the subject: if the aliens find us before we find them, we had better worry. Could they be peaceful? Of course. But not necessarily. I would love to find out Sasquatch or Nessy were real, but I’d rather not encounter an alien.

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3 Responses to “If narwhals are real…”
  1. Thanks for introducing me to the work of Josie Portillo!

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